Top 10 Wars

Time for a history lesson with el Profe Mex, fuck them boring ass documentaries.  Today you gonna learn about those battles that were so bloody it would make you drop down in laughter (If only there was a kill cam).  Here are the Top 10 Wars Mex finds entertaining

10. Mongol Conquest

Genghis Khan was on this bitch, and you know damn well he pillaged them villages.  Thanks to this, they influenced Disney to create that badass China film Mulan (hope I’m right)

9. Spanish-American War

Cuba was on some hoe shit and exploded our damn boat (or was it an inside job?  conspiracy? Illuminati?).  One thing is for sure, that boy Teddy Roosevelt killed a Spanish piece of shit with his bare hands according to him, and he loved it.  Ted was ridin’ on his enemies

8. Mexican Revolution

To be honest here, Mex doesn’t know much about the Mexican Revolution, but he does love saying “Viva Mexico Kabrones, Viva la Revolucion Pendejos”.  Just know that it was most likely a bunch of Mexican Peasants like the bad ass hombre Pancho Villa and some government scum hanging and raping the bean eating mesquites

7. The Crusades

Good old days when people killed for religion.  The Catholics were trying to reclaim the holy land from the Muslim Extremists of the time.  The greatest takeaway of this is how the Pope absolved all the soldiers of any of the sins they would commit if they fight for this righteous cause.  Kill, steal, lie, rape, say mean things, shit anything that is considered bad was on these guy’s to do list.  Great time to be a Holy Warrior

6. Vietnam War

Time to stab a Cock Breath on the neck before you end up with a shit load of sharp stakes up that ass.  US was getting butt raped by the Vietnamese guerrillas for a war they should have never fought.  Had to watch out for the ladies here too, they didn’t give our troops 10 dolla blowjobs, no sir, they gave them water filled with broken glass.  They died with a bloody ass throat

5. World War I

Ahh, The Great War.  It all started cuz some very important guy got assassinated.  The two countries involved started fighting, but when you part of a click, your homies gotta be down to ride.  That’s when allied countries started getting involved and the enemy of their enemies got on this shit to the point where nearly the whole world was at war.  US eventually joined in after a German U-Boat sank an American ship with passengers who straight up passed away on that bitch and when that message Germany sent to Mexico was intercepted.  Sorry German Cracks, Mexico to busy impregnating them Latina hoes to be fighting against a country where they will be sending their kids to

4. Texas Revolution

Remember the Alamo, well I do.  Them Texas Boyz defended their turf from Santa Ana and his Mexican forces.  Here we have memorable figures like Davy Crockett and that Bowie guy with the Bowie Knife.  Even though everyone died on the Texan side, they took a whole bunch of vatos with them and came back with a victory in San Jacinto thanks to the homie Sam Houston.  You just can’t fuck with the Great State of Texas

3. American Civil War

From gunshot wounds to lynchings, Americans were dying here.  It was the North versus the South in a Battle to stop the Confederate states from seceding.  The South just wanted to take advantage of them slaves, while the North didn’t want them to take advantage of them (it was more of a best interest motive, not cuz Abe Lincoln liked the negro slaves)  In conclusion, the South loses.  That White Trash in the South should of treated their niggaz better, they would have probably won if they had nigger slave troops fighting for them in the war

2. American Revolution

Take your gun, Take your shit, report to General Washington.  America declared war to Great Britain after they were pissing off the colonists with all the damn taxes and laws.  After a shit load of battles like Bunker Hill and Saratoga, the patriots eventually defeated the British pigs at Yorktown.  Merica, you fuck with us, we get Mel Gibson to throw a tomahawk that will cut through your spine dammit

1. World War II

Everybody knew this was coming.  World War II is where shit went down for real.  Germany said Fuck Yall we taking over this bitch.  From invading other countries to cooking Jews in a damn oven, the Nazis weren’t playing.  Eventually they fucked up bad, they turned on Russia and shit went downhill for Hitler.  The Japs also got hit hard, US dropped bombs on them poor sons of bitches (some probably thought Godzilla just ran trains on they ass). Thanks to this, 90% of war related movies and games are based on WWII.  We also created some Hills Have Eyes Muthafuckas with that Manhattan Project that are probably killing and raping tourists as we speak